Scientist Radically Changes Theory, Then Dies From Doublethink

The Centralized Nerd Network received reports that a scientist changed his views after he was presented with conflicting evidence.

Arches Collapse

On August 8th, an arch in Utah known as the Double Arch collapsed. During a flurry of investigation to answer the public’s questions on why the arch collapsed, one scientist did some simple erosion calculations. He found that natural stone arches around the world were collapsing far faster than what is possible under the dominant theory.

For example, forty-three out of the two thousand arches in Arches National Park fell down between the years 1977 and 2015. That means around one arch collapses per year. It seems extremely unlikely that we’re living during a time when most of Earth’s arches will be gone in only two thousand years. Remember, these arches are purported to be millions of years old.

Another option is that there used to be millions of arches. But there’s no evidence that’s the case. Arch formation is rare, and millions of arches would take up a lot of space. However, there is a third option.¹

Conflicting ideas

“It is undeniable that at the rate of erosion we see today, the arch couldn’t be millions of years old,” the scientist² said during an interview with CNN. “Still though, we know the arch was millions of years old. Therefore, the rate of erosion must have been different in the past.” 

This comment caused the scientist to pause as he considered what he had just said. He stared at the wall for a moment and then said with hesitation, “But that would conflict with uniformitarianism…”

Cause of death

Suddenly, the scientist dropped over dead. CNN’s interviewers quickly called 911 and attempted CPR. The doctor who declared him legally dead said the cause of death was “a severe case of shock due to a realization of cognitive dissonance.”

“He just couldn’t live with it,” the doctor told CNN. “After discovering that his precious evidence conflicted with his precious theory, he decided it would be better to die than to accept the truth.”

The scientist’s doctor also informed us that death due to cognitive dissonance is very rare. Most people learn to live with conflicting ideas by creating an imaginary reality for themselves to live in.

Notes

1. The scientist also considered a forth option—that the Earth is not millions of years old—but immediately dismissed it for obvious reasons. ↩︎
2. The scientist’s family requested that his name remain private. ↩︎