Popcorn Causes Cancer — For Idiots

Don’t be deceived! This article is a joke.

Frederick’s new book, Popcorn Causes Cancer — For Idiots, has arrived! And it’s quite the tale.

The two main characters, you and Dum Jonas, embark on a strange and terrific journey from page to page. On your adventure, you’ll encounter lava caves and the freaky-looking mouths of bodily cells.

Who is Frederick Dlanimi?

A photo of Frederick Dlanimi

Frederick Dlamini is a time traveler from the year 2065. During his time in the past, he seeks to give the world a better future.

Dum Jonas is an easy character to sympathize with because, after all, “He’s a lot like you. Dumber than dumb,” as it says in the book.

Speaking of the simpleminded, since the author was sure you didn’t understand anything, he wrote this story at a negative first-grade reading level. “A negative first-grade reading level,” Frederick explained, “means that not only is the syntax simple, but also that the writing acknowledges your complete unintelligence.” Frederick said it does this by both explicitly communicating your lack of understanding (e.g., you’re “Dumber than dumb.”) and by writing in an intellectually offensive way. 

Even though his book is intellectually offensive, Frederick also told us that the book is not offensive to his target audience, because they are not intellectual. Who is his target audience? “You are,” Frederick said. “Everyone living in the year 2024.”

With bright colors and lovable graphics, this book will be sure to make you and your child (assuming you have a child) feel yummy inside. You even get to meet your squishy innards!

Positive Reviews

“This is the children’s book of the century.”

AI Customer #1

“Truly inspirational!”

AI Customer #2

“I cried… a lot.”

Mary Wessel (Who’s this?)

“I love you Dum Jonas!”

Dum Nary – Dum Jonas’s sister

And now for the not-so-happy reviews…

Critical Reviews

“This utterly horrendous story is completely and absolutely appalling. I don’t think I can express my dislike with greater enthusiasm. Oh, wait. I can: IT STINKS!!!!!!”

James Rushdoony – Book Critic

(An excerpt from James Rushdoony’s review appears on the cover of Popcorn Causes Cancer.)

“This book is even rude to children.”

A Mother With Common Sense

“The AI-generated artwork shows a lack of professionalism.”

Random Graphic Artist Guy

Who cares what those unintelligent critics said! Popcorn Causes Cancer — For Idiots is the best book ever written.

Read it now

You can read the book for free, online! Just click on the cover below.

Popcorn Causes Cancer — For Idiots

Popcorn Causes Cancer

(Digital Version)

(On mobile, you can use the bottom sidebar to activate single-page mode.)

Buy it now

Popcorn Causes Cancer — For Idiots is available on Amazon for a highly affordable price. Frederick wanted his important message to reach as many people as possible.

Conflict of Interest Declaration

This article definitely wasn’t funded by the publisher of Popcorn Causes Cancer — For Idiots. (Even though this article may seem to have fallaciously stretched some details and presented the book in an overly sensational way.) It was a completely independent review. After all, we’re the only unbiased news network online! (Shocking, right?)

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3 responses to “Popcorn Causes Cancer — For Idiots”

  1. Wow! That was very informational in a very non informative way. I now understand how popcorn causes cancer thanks to Popcorn Causes Cancer for Idiots. The intellectual offense will have to be over looked of course to truly appreciate this book for what it is—a definite help to society.

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